[The good thing, Jack supposes, is that they have thirty years of shared experiences to draw from. Even functioning as part of an impossibly close-knit team, Jack is full of stories that only he and Ana would know. It takes him only a moment to think of one.]
I got shot evacuating Giza after we quarantined Anubis.
[A stray bastion unit, one that should have shut down with the God Program. Jack pulls up his compression shirt to reveal the scar--a clean entry wound, where the bullet ripped straight through his abdomen. Incapacitating even for a super soldier.
He doesn't understand why all of his scars are still intact--surely a genuine resurrection is impossible--but he's glad he still has them, if only for this.]
You waited with me while the rest of them brought in the drop ship. Bled all over your gear. You said if I lived you'd take me to Hawaii the next time we got a vacation.
[It's something that happened in another life, but it brings a wistful smile to his face all the same.]
( The story at first... well, anyone could have found that out, though the scar did help. It isn't until the last part, the part that only Jack had heard, that Ana's convinced.
Slowly her gun lowers, smile forming )
You never were good at vacations.
( Though neither was she. They always had one more mission to do, something troubling them too much to leave.
It really was him, and Ana's relieved about that -- if confused )
How are you alive?
( He'd said, but this sort of thing didn't happen )
[Jack's breath sticks in his throat for a long moment as he watches her, taking in every minute change in her expression to try and see whether or not she's buying it. When she lowers her gun, the relief he feels is overwhelming, and he closes the rest of the distance between them, but stop short, like he's not sure whether or not she's going to welcome any physical contact.]
I don't know. I woke up in the Ingress Complex. They told me it's been three days.
[All he wants to do is reach out to her, but he thinks there will always be a part of him that worries it's not real. And how can he get close, when he might not even be the same, and he put her through all this in the first place? They're in this mess because he thought he could deal with Reaper alone. His shoulders slump and his head bows, posture thoroughly contrite.]
( As one hand tucks the gun away the other reaches out to him, hand laying on the side of his face )
You didn't know what he had.
( They knew what he'd try, and the lengths that Gabriel would go, but not what he had done to get there.
Ana also knows what else his apology means. It's not simply for dying but for the emotional turmoil of what that action had done. Even though she'd felt agony over his death, and had perhaps been a little obsessive (and not at all grieving) over the past few days, what she felt now...
[He'd let his guard down, assumed he could take care of it on his own, and paid the price. He's lucky that she's unhurt--Jack knows full well what Repaer might have done in his absence, and he'd been expecting to walk home and find it all gone. He'd have no idea what to do if that were the case. It had all been his fault.
As soon as she touches him, that's all the permission he needs. Jack steps closer and lifts his arms a little, leaning into her gesture so that he can pull her into an embrace. It's tentative, at first, like he doesn't quite know what he's doing, but she's warm and she's real, and he gives himself over to instinct. Jack bends into her, pulling her close and burying his forehead into her shoulder.]
Shouldn't have put you through that.
[Any of it--shouldn't have left her vulnerable. He breathes deeply, taking her in, trying to tell himself that it's all right now, even if it hasn't been for a very long time.]
( The hand on his cheek slips round to rest on the back of his neck as Ana leans into him, letting silence fall. Words didn't matter, not now. Sure things had gone to shit -- Jack had died, Gabriel could have taken her out too... but Jack was back. Everything else was less important )
It doesn't matter.
( It does. Gabriel had finally taken that step, and they now wouldn't know what he might do. But they'd be together for whatever came.
Though... ) What happened to your hand? ( Yeah, she'd noticed the brace in the initial encounter )
[Jack is more than content to just stay here for as long as possible—buried against her neck, letting his world shrink down to the warmth of her arms and the familiar smell of her hair, trying to let that ease him. Of course, it can’t be so simple, and they’re going to have to deal with Gabriel eventually, especially now that he’s gone to such lengths, but Jack wants this moment and he isn’t going to let anything ruin it.
Which means she’s going to bring up his hand, though Jack makes no moves to pull away from her or show it—she’ll have to take hold of it herself if she wants to get a good look (not that he’ll be able to feel it if she does so). He’s still perhaps holding out hope that whatever went wrong with it will right itself eventually, though deep down, he knows that he’s lost it for good.
It’s not something he really wants to think about, and it’s not something he wants her to be worrying about either, even though it’s in her nature to do so.]
Don’t worry about it.
[Just a side-effect, and he’s lucky to be mostly intact otherwise. He doesn’t seem to want to move from where he is, and instead tilts his head slightly to press his lips to her cheek, an impulsive gesture that’s a clear attempt to reassure her.]
( Don't worry about it. She'd been concerned before, and Jack's attempt to dodge the question only reaffirms that there is something to worry about.
Ana starts to make a move for it, hand raising to rest on his elbow, body shifting slightly.
Then his lips press to her cheek, and her movements pause -- fingers gently gripping his elbow )
Jack?
( Her voice is hushed. Curious, cautious. She stops her move to check his hand, letting that slip to the back of her mind for later once he's settled, and her head dips an inch, resting back against him )
I'm here, Jack. ( He had to be a little confused, knowing he was dying and then suddenly that was not the case. Though Ana had questioned whether he was real she didn't think that he may have had similar questions ) I'm here.
[Jack knows immediately that it was too forward--a poor attempt at taking the attention off his hand and crossing that unspoken line they've always kept between them. He'd be lying if he said he didn't care deeply for Ana in ways that are difficult to describe, but as commander and second, any acting on any feelings would be a breach of professionalism and protocol. He's spent a very long time making sure to fight down those feelings and keep that distance.
Now, it seems to matter less, but there's still that hesitation, that self-imposed restriction that's more a force of habit than anything. Still, he wonders if he hasn't made a mistake.]
I'm sorry.
[For an awful lot of things. She doesn't push him away and he crumpled slightly, not wanting to move from the embrace.]
( Where there'd normally be bravado, and Ana laughing off his concern because they're stronger and better than that, this time she doesn't. This time the attempt had been closer, and for three days she truly had lost him, knowing the pain that she'd never wanted to think of before )
So did I.
( There's a slight huff, a heavy release of breath. Her fingertips have been rubbing a light circle on his elbow, trailing down his arm as Ana leans back to look at him, the hand on the back of his neck slipping down to the top of his chest )
I'm glad that it was not forever.
( Even with what it might mean. She's just relieved that it isn't a pain that she has to live with forever, because Ana doesn't know what that would mean. Or what she would do.
There's a couple of seconds of silence, Ana simply watching him, before she leans back in, lightly kissing his cheek.
Once. Twice.
And then him. It's a gentle shift before her lips are on his, just for a few seconds. Brief, light, taking the moment never taken before, a moment so nearly lost )
[There won't be any playing this off, and Jack isn't sure he'd want to, anyway. Too often they've danced around each other, toeing the brink but then backing down in the interest of their responsibilities, or something more important. Now that it seems to be actually happening, Jack finds himself a little frozen, at least until Ana takes the lead. She kisses his cheeks and it isn't quite anything they haven't done before, but there's new meaning behind it that's difficult to write off. He leans into her naturally, almost a reflex.
Then she kisses him straight on, and it's more than enough to catch him off guard. It's gentle, quick, but he's left hanging, as she pulls away just as he realizes how he should be responding.
There's a singular moment of hesitation as he process this, before he all at once realizes how badly he's wanted this. Jack can't even remember how long he's wanted this--just that some part of him has always been hers, likely from their very first meeting.
So it's only a moment before he's reciprocating, leaning back into her and kissing her fully, hand slipping around the small of her back to pull her close.]
( There's a definite feeling of relief when Jack kisses her. There'd been small shows of affection before, a little more from Ana than Jack but the care had been there. Knowing that kissing him was the right move...
Her hand relaxes some on his chest, and she's a little grateful of the stairs for keeping them pretty level. Ana tilts her head up, pulling herself closer as she kisses him again.
Later she might have to check, again, that it wasn't a dream. Jack back from the dead, the two of them scrubbing out their uncrossed line. But that was later.
After so long the kiss only feels a few seconds when Ana breaks it, resting her forehead on his as she takes a breath, chuckling a little )
[Now that he's started, he doesn't actually want to stop, though the fact that they're still on the stairs doesn't escape him. It removes the height difference, with Ana on a higher step, but it's still a little awkward, and he entertains the idea of picking her up and relocating her. Jack feels like he's on tenuous ground as it is, so he keeps them right where they are, not wanting to ruin the moment.
Because this is a moment. He's still not sure what he's going to do with it, exactly, but it seems right, at least until Ana has to come up for air.]
Are you laughing at me?
[He says it good-naturedly enough that it might be a joke, his forehead resting against hers, but there's a real anxiety there, like he's still worried he's done the wrong thing, or that she doesn't actually want this. Jack's head tilts slightly so he's speaking against her cheek, making it clear he's not ready to pull away just yet.]
[They're not as young as they used to be, and he can't help but feel like he's wasted so much time. But it's not really anything he needs to apologize for, because of course this has always been an impossibility. Jack would never subject Ana to a covert relationship, and that would have been the only option, given the chain of command and the fact that it would have been an unconscionable breach of protocol.
Even now, he wonders if this is a good idea--maybe it's all well and good to fool around while they're trapped on an alien planet, but back home they have a mission to complete. Jack is duty-bound; fighting a war he's not certain he'll ever see the end of, and he's acutely aware that Ana has been dragged back into it solely because of him. He's not a whole person and he knows he doesn't deserve this, either. She shouldn't want him the way he is now, and Jack shouldn't subject her to it.
There is, however, a part of him that has wanted this so badly and for so long that he can't bring himself to care. Jack kisses her again and this time he scoops her up in his arms, effortlessly lifting her and taking them both off the stairs. He's not sure where they're going, exactly, but he has to break the kiss to see where he's going, tempting as it is to keep lingering right where they are. He uses the opportunity for a confession, sounding a little breathless.]
( The lack of warning makes her movement a little jerky, grip at first a little tight as her hand finds his, grasps it as he moves them.
And then he breaks the kiss, and part of her damns his confession, thinking for a moment that maybe they could figure the talking out later, get on with the important part while they've started.
Except she's curious, because Jack doesn't say things just to say them. Her thumb traces lightly over the back of his hand, and Ana tips her head up to look at him )
I hope it lives up to it.
( She might be a little out of practice, and a lot older than when he might have imagined it before, but Ana would like to believe that she hasn't lost her touch.
She's also not, at least yet, admitting that she'd also thought about it before, imagining a great many things between them )
[To Jack’s credit, he doesn’t keep her in limbo very long—just enough to get them both off the stairs and into the living room, where he sets her down on the couch and pulls himself up next to her, feeling a little rusty but doing his very best not to show it.]
Better.
[The truth is, of course, is that some part of him has wanted this almost from the moment they met, though the last thing he wants to seem is desperate.
But Jack doesn't feel her hand on his, only realizing it's there when he feels the touch further up on his wrist, through the brace. By then, however, he's already moving, bringing his hand up to touch her face, pull her in closer. Perhaps it's out of reflex, as he's still not used to lacking functionality in his dominant hand, or perhaps he's holding out hope that whatever they botched when they brought him back will correct itself over time. It doesn't matter either way when he makes contact and can't feel it, when he tries to brush his thumb across her cheek and the nerve signal ends at his forearm, an aborted motion that he wants desperately to accomplish, but physically can't.
She has to know, now. He'd managed to distract her from it momentarily, but she was going to find out sooner or later. Still, he can't bring himself to outright describe what's wrong, as all this really does is remind him of how broken he really is, how lost he'd be without her.
Jack bows his head a little, exhaling audibly as if trying to collect his thoughts, to offer her something more substantial than any of this. His head falls against her shoulder, and he braces himself for the question.]
( the touch is a little clumsy, a little less gentle than what she's come to know from him. the touch, along with the brace that he'd picked up-- something was wrong. he hadn't had the brace when he'd died, and unless gabriel had hurt his hand in the attack he hadn't been injured.
she takes his hand in both of hers, a protective glove, only slipping one hand away momentarily to take a look at his hand before she covers it again )
What happened?
( he'd tried to distract her before, and had succeeded, but she would have to know at some point. ana tips her head to rest against his. whatever was wrong, whatever he had to tell her, it would be alright. they'd figure it out. together )
[He almost looks ashamed, even though it's only tangentially his fault. For Jack, it all loops back around to the fact that he never should have allowed this to happen in the first place--never should have put himself in a position where they'd be in this much danger. Now, he's paid the price.]
Can't move it.
[It's not the end of the world. He's trained to shoot and fight with both, so his combat ability isn't lessened. It's just the smaller things that will take some relearning. Some getting used to.]
They said it happens sometimes, when they bring people back. Something goes a little wrong. Can't feel anything with it, either.
( ana watches his expression, tracing her fingers over the back of his hand. she knows that there won't be a reaction, knows that he's truthful but just as jack had hoped ana does too. he can adjust, but she doesn't wish for him to have to )
Is it the only thing?
( just to get it out of the way, find out everything at once. she doesn't want any surprises later, and anything else that may be wrong they can plan around at the same time as his hand. they'll work on it, and jack won't be the only one adapting with it -- some things ana does she'll shift a little to keep this in mind )
Are you-- ( gabriel had hit him hard. not physically but what he'd injected jack with, making his biology work against him. she didn't know exactly what was in the syringe but given what she knew that gabriel had wanted from her-- )
[All his scars are reproduced too faithfully for him to worry about whether or not he's a clone (though the thought certainly crossed his mind), and the only thing that doesn't work is his hand. That doesn't, however, mean he isn't going to fall apart without warning, but then again, he lives with that possibility simply by being an SEP graduate who's more than overstayed his welcome.
She asks him how he feels and he can't even begin to describe it. It's been three days for everyone else, but for Jack, it's like it just happened. He's barely had time to process it all, much less make any sense of it. There's one thing, however, that he knows definitively, and he lets his forehead rest against Ana's shoulder as she inspects his hand.]
We're not getting him back, are we.
[He says it more like a statement than a question, like he's finally admitting something he should have come to terms with a long time ago. Jack knows, on some level, that Gabriel Reyes was never the man he thought he was, but perhaps deep down he'd never given up hope that he could pull him out of whatever's left. Fight his way through the rage and hate and betrayal and bring back the last person he needs to feel whole again.
Now, however, he feels like he's been plunged in ice water. With his own murder--and not just the murder, but the way Reaper chose to kill him--Jack can't hide from the truth any longer. There's nothing left, and the sheer finality of really, truly, and irrevocably losing Gabriel has him reeling.]
( his question goes unanswered for a time, the small circle that she'd been tracing on his hand become more massaging. he can't feel it, though just maybe it could help, but she's also not really thinking about it, fingers working as ana thinks.
it felt hopeless as if the battle between two friends would never end. gabriel had gone so far, and for all ana felt that she should be angry she wasn't. just sad. disappointed. jack wasn't the only one that missed him, but this was where ana had kept her own feelings quieter. it was a difficult line between them, and it had been there for years before everything had collapsed. and that made her guilty, one small doubt in her mind wondering what would have happened if she'd stayed. overwatch would have still burned, but would they have been saved?
she missed him -- missed them. it was hard not to think of what things had been, especially over the last three days. jack had been gone, leaving her and gabriel, but he was so far out of reach. and yet now, when she should be angry-- )
إن غدا لناظره قريب. ( the words were quieter, and the circles stop, fingers moving to take hold of his wrist, to pull his attention ) I'm not giving up.
( it would hurt more, but after all of this time just letting him go was too difficult. she couldn't quit, not when that friendship had been so much. and gabriel wasn't right. he thought that they'd given up, and ana refused to start now )
[Ana’s silence isn’t as comforting as he’d like it to be, mostly because he knows she doesn’t have a good answer to his question. He tries to focus on her hand instead, like if he watches the way it circles into the back of his palm, he’ll start to feel something again. If anyone can wring something out of him, it’s her, but the more he watches the more disconcerting it is that there’s no sensation to accompany the touch. Jack’s gaze drifts upward instead, head against her shoulder as he looks past her, lost in his own thoughts. Hearing the melodic way she speaks her own language is comforting, and he doesn’t even have to think about the response he gives, even if he’s not sure he can buy into a platitude like that.]
اعرف.
[He’s never been very good at speaking other languages beyond rudimentary conversation necessitated by his position as strike commander, but it’s a passible effort, even if he doesn’t sound quite as nice as she does. It’s more about the sentiment than anything, a simple, easily-conjugated verb mumbled into the fabric of her collar as he tries to let the tension ebb out of his shoulders.
She’s not giving up, which means that he won’t either, but he can’t help but think about the road to ruin they’ll walk in the process. At what point will this—will any of this—be worth either of their lives? What happens when Jack’s war takes Ana from him for good this time? He’s been running on the pain of his betrayal for so long that he isn’t sure what will be left to sustain him once all the rage has bled out.]
He hated me for what I let happen to you.
[Public relations nightmares and high-profile mission failures aside, that had been the true beginning of the end. Jack knows Ana’s final mission was more complicated than this, but he’d been the commanding officer. Bringing her home was his responsibility, and he’d failed. Gabriel never let him forget that, and without Ana’s mediating presence, there was no repairing the steadily-widening fissure between them.]
Thought it’d be easy to hate him right back, especially after all this, but—
[Once all the anger is gone, what’s left? Jack doesn’t finish the sentence—can’t. Too hard to swallow his pride and say that the truth of the matter is that he misses Gabriel more than he can bear.]
( there's a tiny smile, a hint at the appreciation she has for his effort. it may only be one small phrase but there's something about hearing your own language from others. the smile fades quickly as jack carries on, his words nudging at the thoughts that ana already had. if she'd come home--
but ana couldn't change that now, and there was no guarantee that anything may have been better. she would have been alive to them but what may jack have gotten for not watching her back, even if her injuries had been from her own inaction.
she presses her head a little more into him, torn by the hope that she wants to feel and the guilt, and sadness, that she has for the past, and for gabriel )
I don't either. ( ana had tried to, expected that she would after he'd killed jack. all she had felt instead was anger, and then guilt and sadness. she should have been there -- in the barn, and back six years ago )
But there's a chance we may not otherwise have had.
( aside from sombra gabriel was alone here. there was no talon, no plans. nothing of their home minus a few that had been in overwatch. it didn't necessarily mean anything, but it could at least give them a chance. he had little to focus on, nothing to distract him. maybe-- )
[He knows what she's talking about--that they're far removed from the people and problems of their own world. Gabriel has Sombra, but Jack doesn't know how good a friend or ally she really is. They could both be using Talon for their own ends, unconcerned about each other beyond a common goal.
Whatever that common goal is. He knows it's nothing good, and he still doesn't understand why Gabriel has chosen to align himself this way. It's difficult for him to think about how he can possibly fix this when he isn't sure what went wrong in the first place.
Maybe he knows. Maybe he just can't admit it to himself. They're going to kill themselves trying, but he isn't certain what else they can do.]
Gotta find a way off this planet eventually.
[--And then what? Then they'll all go back to their respective missions, and any progress made will be forgotten. Jack will have to address what's just happened between him and Ana in the context of the things they're supposed to accomplish. Will it be too dangerous, to pursue a relationship with her while he's trying to uncover the conspiracy behind Overwatch's fall?
The answer is unequivocally yes, but of course there's no guarantee they'll ever get home. He frowns a little, eyebrows pinched together in thought, then Jack takes his good hand, gently touching her cheek to turn her face towards his.]
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I got shot evacuating Giza after we quarantined Anubis.
[A stray bastion unit, one that should have shut down with the God Program. Jack pulls up his compression shirt to reveal the scar--a clean entry wound, where the bullet ripped straight through his abdomen. Incapacitating even for a super soldier.
He doesn't understand why all of his scars are still intact--surely a genuine resurrection is impossible--but he's glad he still has them, if only for this.]
You waited with me while the rest of them brought in the drop ship. Bled all over your gear. You said if I lived you'd take me to Hawaii the next time we got a vacation.
[It's something that happened in another life, but it brings a wistful smile to his face all the same.]
I never went.
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Slowly her gun lowers, smile forming )
You never were good at vacations.
( Though neither was she. They always had one more mission to do, something troubling them too much to leave.
It really was him, and Ana's relieved about that -- if confused )
How are you alive?
( He'd said, but this sort of thing didn't happen )
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I don't know. I woke up in the Ingress Complex. They told me it's been three days.
[All he wants to do is reach out to her, but he thinks there will always be a part of him that worries it's not real. And how can he get close, when he might not even be the same, and he put her through all this in the first place? They're in this mess because he thought he could deal with Reaper alone. His shoulders slump and his head bows, posture thoroughly contrite.]
I'm sorry.
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You didn't know what he had.
( They knew what he'd try, and the lengths that Gabriel would go, but not what he had done to get there.
Ana also knows what else his apology means. It's not simply for dying but for the emotional turmoil of what that action had done. Even though she'd felt agony over his death, and had perhaps been a little obsessive (and not at all grieving) over the past few days, what she felt now...
He was back. That was the important part )
I'm glad that you're here.
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[He'd let his guard down, assumed he could take care of it on his own, and paid the price. He's lucky that she's unhurt--Jack knows full well what Repaer might have done in his absence, and he'd been expecting to walk home and find it all gone. He'd have no idea what to do if that were the case. It had all been his fault.
As soon as she touches him, that's all the permission he needs. Jack steps closer and lifts his arms a little, leaning into her gesture so that he can pull her into an embrace. It's tentative, at first, like he doesn't quite know what he's doing, but she's warm and she's real, and he gives himself over to instinct. Jack bends into her, pulling her close and burying his forehead into her shoulder.]
Shouldn't have put you through that.
[Any of it--shouldn't have left her vulnerable. He breathes deeply, taking her in, trying to tell himself that it's all right now, even if it hasn't been for a very long time.]
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It doesn't matter.
( It does. Gabriel had finally taken that step, and they now wouldn't know what he might do. But they'd be together for whatever came.
Though... ) What happened to your hand? ( Yeah, she'd noticed the brace in the initial encounter )
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Which means she’s going to bring up his hand, though Jack makes no moves to pull away from her or show it—she’ll have to take hold of it herself if she wants to get a good look (not that he’ll be able to feel it if she does so). He’s still perhaps holding out hope that whatever went wrong with it will right itself eventually, though deep down, he knows that he’s lost it for good.
It’s not something he really wants to think about, and it’s not something he wants her to be worrying about either, even though it’s in her nature to do so.]
Don’t worry about it.
[Just a side-effect, and he’s lucky to be mostly intact otherwise. He doesn’t seem to want to move from where he is, and instead tilts his head slightly to press his lips to her cheek, an impulsive gesture that’s a clear attempt to reassure her.]
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Ana starts to make a move for it, hand raising to rest on his elbow, body shifting slightly.
Then his lips press to her cheek, and her movements pause -- fingers gently gripping his elbow )
Jack?
( Her voice is hushed. Curious, cautious. She stops her move to check his hand, letting that slip to the back of her mind for later once he's settled, and her head dips an inch, resting back against him )
I'm here, Jack. ( He had to be a little confused, knowing he was dying and then suddenly that was not the case. Though Ana had questioned whether he was real she didn't think that he may have had similar questions ) I'm here.
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Now, it seems to matter less, but there's still that hesitation, that self-imposed restriction that's more a force of habit than anything. Still, he wonders if he hasn't made a mistake.]
I'm sorry.
[For an awful lot of things. She doesn't push him away and he crumpled slightly, not wanting to move from the embrace.]
I thought I was gonna lose you again.
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So did I.
( There's a slight huff, a heavy release of breath. Her fingertips have been rubbing a light circle on his elbow, trailing down his arm as Ana leans back to look at him, the hand on the back of his neck slipping down to the top of his chest )
I'm glad that it was not forever.
( Even with what it might mean. She's just relieved that it isn't a pain that she has to live with forever, because Ana doesn't know what that would mean. Or what she would do.
There's a couple of seconds of silence, Ana simply watching him, before she leans back in, lightly kissing his cheek.
Once. Twice.
And then him. It's a gentle shift before her lips are on his, just for a few seconds. Brief, light, taking the moment never taken before, a moment so nearly lost )
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Then she kisses him straight on, and it's more than enough to catch him off guard. It's gentle, quick, but he's left hanging, as she pulls away just as he realizes how he should be responding.
There's a singular moment of hesitation as he process this, before he all at once realizes how badly he's wanted this. Jack can't even remember how long he's wanted this--just that some part of him has always been hers, likely from their very first meeting.
So it's only a moment before he's reciprocating, leaning back into her and kissing her fully, hand slipping around the small of her back to pull her close.]
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Her hand relaxes some on his chest, and she's a little grateful of the stairs for keeping them pretty level. Ana tilts her head up, pulling herself closer as she kisses him again.
Later she might have to check, again, that it wasn't a dream. Jack back from the dead, the two of them scrubbing out their uncrossed line. But that was later.
After so long the kiss only feels a few seconds when Ana breaks it, resting her forehead on his as she takes a breath, chuckling a little )
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Because this is a moment. He's still not sure what he's going to do with it, exactly, but it seems right, at least until Ana has to come up for air.]
Are you laughing at me?
[He says it good-naturedly enough that it might be a joke, his forehead resting against hers, but there's a real anxiety there, like he's still worried he's done the wrong thing, or that she doesn't actually want this. Jack's head tilts slightly so he's speaking against her cheek, making it clear he's not ready to pull away just yet.]
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( At him, herself. At the fact that after 30 years it takes his actual death to bring this about.
Okay, maybe she's not chuckling about that but she is laughing at them a little. Let an old woman be amused.
She doesn't make any attempt to move away, instead letting the hand on his chest drop down, searching his own hand )
I never imagined my day going like this.
( Or going as well as this. She's pretty sure that this is the best day that she's had in a while )
But it certainly is better than what I'd planned.
( Just so there is zero doubt in his mind. She wants this, Jack Morrison. She wants you )
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[They're not as young as they used to be, and he can't help but feel like he's wasted so much time. But it's not really anything he needs to apologize for, because of course this has always been an impossibility. Jack would never subject Ana to a covert relationship, and that would have been the only option, given the chain of command and the fact that it would have been an unconscionable breach of protocol.
Even now, he wonders if this is a good idea--maybe it's all well and good to fool around while they're trapped on an alien planet, but back home they have a mission to complete. Jack is duty-bound; fighting a war he's not certain he'll ever see the end of, and he's acutely aware that Ana has been dragged back into it solely because of him. He's not a whole person and he knows he doesn't deserve this, either. She shouldn't want him the way he is now, and Jack shouldn't subject her to it.
There is, however, a part of him that has wanted this so badly and for so long that he can't bring himself to care. Jack kisses her again and this time he scoops her up in his arms, effortlessly lifting her and taking them both off the stairs. He's not sure where they're going, exactly, but he has to break the kiss to see where he's going, tempting as it is to keep lingering right where they are. He uses the opportunity for a confession, sounding a little breathless.]
I used to think about this.
[On occasion.]
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And then he breaks the kiss, and part of her damns his confession, thinking for a moment that maybe they could figure the talking out later, get on with the important part while they've started.
Except she's curious, because Jack doesn't say things just to say them. Her thumb traces lightly over the back of his hand, and Ana tips her head up to look at him )
I hope it lives up to it.
( She might be a little out of practice, and a lot older than when he might have imagined it before, but Ana would like to believe that she hasn't lost her touch.
She's also not, at least yet, admitting that she'd also thought about it before, imagining a great many things between them )
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Better.
[The truth is, of course, is that some part of him has wanted this almost from the moment they met, though the last thing he wants to seem is desperate.
But Jack doesn't feel her hand on his, only realizing it's there when he feels the touch further up on his wrist, through the brace. By then, however, he's already moving, bringing his hand up to touch her face, pull her in closer. Perhaps it's out of reflex, as he's still not used to lacking functionality in his dominant hand, or perhaps he's holding out hope that whatever they botched when they brought him back will correct itself over time. It doesn't matter either way when he makes contact and can't feel it, when he tries to brush his thumb across her cheek and the nerve signal ends at his forearm, an aborted motion that he wants desperately to accomplish, but physically can't.
She has to know, now. He'd managed to distract her from it momentarily, but she was going to find out sooner or later. Still, he can't bring himself to outright describe what's wrong, as all this really does is remind him of how broken he really is, how lost he'd be without her.
Jack bows his head a little, exhaling audibly as if trying to collect his thoughts, to offer her something more substantial than any of this. His head falls against her shoulder, and he braces himself for the question.]
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she takes his hand in both of hers, a protective glove, only slipping one hand away momentarily to take a look at his hand before she covers it again )
What happened?
( he'd tried to distract her before, and had succeeded, but she would have to know at some point. ana tips her head to rest against his. whatever was wrong, whatever he had to tell her, it would be alright. they'd figure it out. together )
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Can't move it.
[It's not the end of the world. He's trained to shoot and fight with both, so his combat ability isn't lessened. It's just the smaller things that will take some relearning. Some getting used to.]
They said it happens sometimes, when they bring people back. Something goes a little wrong. Can't feel anything with it, either.
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Is it the only thing?
( just to get it out of the way, find out everything at once. she doesn't want any surprises later, and anything else that may be wrong they can plan around at the same time as his hand. they'll work on it, and jack won't be the only one adapting with it -- some things ana does she'll shift a little to keep this in mind )
Are you-- ( gabriel had hit him hard. not physically but what he'd injected jack with, making his biology work against him. she didn't know exactly what was in the syringe but given what she knew that gabriel had wanted from her-- )
How do you feel?
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[All his scars are reproduced too faithfully for him to worry about whether or not he's a clone (though the thought certainly crossed his mind), and the only thing that doesn't work is his hand. That doesn't, however, mean he isn't going to fall apart without warning, but then again, he lives with that possibility simply by being an SEP graduate who's more than overstayed his welcome.
She asks him how he feels and he can't even begin to describe it. It's been three days for everyone else, but for Jack, it's like it just happened. He's barely had time to process it all, much less make any sense of it. There's one thing, however, that he knows definitively, and he lets his forehead rest against Ana's shoulder as she inspects his hand.]
We're not getting him back, are we.
[He says it more like a statement than a question, like he's finally admitting something he should have come to terms with a long time ago. Jack knows, on some level, that Gabriel Reyes was never the man he thought he was, but perhaps deep down he'd never given up hope that he could pull him out of whatever's left. Fight his way through the rage and hate and betrayal and bring back the last person he needs to feel whole again.
Now, however, he feels like he's been plunged in ice water. With his own murder--and not just the murder, but the way Reaper chose to kill him--Jack can't hide from the truth any longer. There's nothing left, and the sheer finality of really, truly, and irrevocably losing Gabriel has him reeling.]
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it felt hopeless as if the battle between two friends would never end. gabriel had gone so far, and for all ana felt that she should be angry she wasn't. just sad. disappointed. jack wasn't the only one that missed him, but this was where ana had kept her own feelings quieter. it was a difficult line between them, and it had been there for years before everything had collapsed. and that made her guilty, one small doubt in her mind wondering what would have happened if she'd stayed. overwatch would have still burned, but would they have been saved?
she missed him -- missed them. it was hard not to think of what things had been, especially over the last three days. jack had been gone, leaving her and gabriel, but he was so far out of reach. and yet now, when she should be angry-- )
إن غدا لناظره قريب. ( the words were quieter, and the circles stop, fingers moving to take hold of his wrist, to pull his attention ) I'm not giving up.
( it would hurt more, but after all of this time just letting him go was too difficult. she couldn't quit, not when that friendship had been so much. and gabriel wasn't right. he thought that they'd given up, and ana refused to start now )
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اعرف.
[He’s never been very good at speaking other languages beyond rudimentary conversation necessitated by his position as strike commander, but it’s a passible effort, even if he doesn’t sound quite as nice as she does. It’s more about the sentiment than anything, a simple, easily-conjugated verb mumbled into the fabric of her collar as he tries to let the tension ebb out of his shoulders.
She’s not giving up, which means that he won’t either, but he can’t help but think about the road to ruin they’ll walk in the process. At what point will this—will any of this—be worth either of their lives? What happens when Jack’s war takes Ana from him for good this time? He’s been running on the pain of his betrayal for so long that he isn’t sure what will be left to sustain him once all the rage has bled out.]
He hated me for what I let happen to you.
[Public relations nightmares and high-profile mission failures aside, that had been the true beginning of the end. Jack knows Ana’s final mission was more complicated than this, but he’d been the commanding officer. Bringing her home was his responsibility, and he’d failed. Gabriel never let him forget that, and without Ana’s mediating presence, there was no repairing the steadily-widening fissure between them.]
Thought it’d be easy to hate him right back, especially after all this, but—
[Once all the anger is gone, what’s left? Jack doesn’t finish the sentence—can’t. Too hard to swallow his pride and say that the truth of the matter is that he misses Gabriel more than he can bear.]
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but ana couldn't change that now, and there was no guarantee that anything may have been better. she would have been alive to them but what may jack have gotten for not watching her back, even if her injuries had been from her own inaction.
she presses her head a little more into him, torn by the hope that she wants to feel and the guilt, and sadness, that she has for the past, and for gabriel )
I don't either. ( ana had tried to, expected that she would after he'd killed jack. all she had felt instead was anger, and then guilt and sadness. she should have been there -- in the barn, and back six years ago )
But there's a chance we may not otherwise have had.
( aside from sombra gabriel was alone here. there was no talon, no plans. nothing of their home minus a few that had been in overwatch. it didn't necessarily mean anything, but it could at least give them a chance. he had little to focus on, nothing to distract him. maybe-- )
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Whatever that common goal is. He knows it's nothing good, and he still doesn't understand why Gabriel has chosen to align himself this way. It's difficult for him to think about how he can possibly fix this when he isn't sure what went wrong in the first place.
Maybe he knows. Maybe he just can't admit it to himself. They're going to kill themselves trying, but he isn't certain what else they can do.]
Gotta find a way off this planet eventually.
[--And then what? Then they'll all go back to their respective missions, and any progress made will be forgotten. Jack will have to address what's just happened between him and Ana in the context of the things they're supposed to accomplish. Will it be too dangerous, to pursue a relationship with her while he's trying to uncover the conspiracy behind Overwatch's fall?
The answer is unequivocally yes, but of course there's no guarantee they'll ever get home. He frowns a little, eyebrows pinched together in thought, then Jack takes his good hand, gently touching her cheek to turn her face towards his.]
You think we'll remember this if we go home?
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